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I am the young man whose Case
Mr Barry laid before you I am extremely sorry to
find from your advice laid delivered to me by him
that my disorder appears to be so bad: tho I believe
I rather showed you the worse view of it as I wrote
out my case in a fit of Melancholy which conti¬
nued but a short time I have followed with the
utmost exactness the regimen prescribed & I hope
to derive benefit from it. The nocturnal pollu¬
tions still continue tho not near so frequently
generally once in two weeks and always bring
along with them such a degree of melancholy
that during the time it continues which is ge¬
nerally two days I am often tempted to put an
end to my own life, after this my spirits be¬
gin gradually to rise & when I have been a
week without a discharge I appear totally chan¬
ged I am all [gaiety?] & good humor & am filled with
the most sanguine hopes of being soon able to
conquer entirely this cursed disorder. I have

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not been much troubled with indigestion these
three weeks past but whenever I am I never fail
to have violent erections in the night time which
tho attended with no discharge occasion head achs
& sometimes lowness of spirits. All these disor¬
ders tho of long continuance I hope by time &
pains to get the better of but am vexed to think
that by ↑my↑ madness or rather wickedness I have
so broke my constitution that I can never hope
to be so well recovered as to regain my strength
& vigor A body I am told that is enervated on
youth never recovers itself but always
continues weak & languid & subject to many
disorders & at best is but shortlived & unhappy
I am terribly emaciated & I dont know if I
shall ever recover my flesh, these consider¬
ations make me very unhappy even in
my gayest moments especially when I reflect
what strength & happiness I might have en¬
joyed had I not been led away in my in¬
fancy & when I consider that these disor¬

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ders the effects of which I must carry to
my grave with me are entirely brought
on by myself & this unhappiness is further
encreased by seeing all my own companions
& equals in age stout health young fel¬
lows /for this practice is scarse so much as
known here & I had the unhappiness to
learn it from a rascal of an English mum
who took [even?] vast pains to debauch me)
I shall be happy to hear from you
soon A letter under cover to Mr {illeg}
will sure to find me even without {illeg}
address provided he is given to know that is
for the person whose he layed before you

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Mr [MacAlan?]
recovery

To
Dr Cullen
D -- at
Edinburgh

[Ager?]